As an educator, it is as if my new year begins when the school year begins, which can explain my minimal activity on my blog throughout the summer. However, I had to prepare for the new year during my down time and I also had to hold myself accountable for the goals I set for myself. Going into the new year, I became full of expectations. I had plans of the role I wanted to fulfill at work and I could almost imagine how my regular routine would be. However, my dreams of working in that role came to an abrupt end.
Unfortunately, I was not afforded the opportunity to move into the new position and although I was very dismayed, what made things worse was that I absolutely believed that I was the most qualified for the position and that I had a chance to work in that role! For me, this was a stepping stone. After all, I am the one who often sees the glass as half empty and for once I saw it half full, but it backfired. After taking such a major blow, I felt defeated and disappointed. Even though the feeling of disappointment still lingers (because I hold onto things a little too long), I know that I have to focus on the right now and eventually what will be ahead for me.
I am sure you have experienced setbacks and disappointments in your life, but what about the ones that hurt the most. You are constantly reminded of them because you have to live with them everyday. I am living with mine as I write this and it is a lot to get adjusted to. However, I was reminded that, Moments of beauty are birthed from pain. Embrace each step in your journey as a prerequisite for your breakthrough. Even though you may not see it, something beautiful will come out of all of those situations that cause you sorrow. I constantly have to remind myself that I have to continue to move forward because those situations do not define me. Ultimately, I know I have to keep pushing.
Now, I am not the typical “grab myself by my bootstraps” and keep it pushing type of girl. I have to do a serious pep talk along with prayer, writing, thinking, planning, and whatever else I think would be beneficial to me. The crazy thing is, while I am “preparing” myself to move forward, I have already begun the process. It is actually a subconscious effort and I believe this is the most important part of it all. However, there are times when I just do not feel like writing or praying about whatever my disappointment may be. I just want to stay mad and when it came to work, mad I was! However, I knew I could not stay in that negative space. After all, I did not want to lash out on my students or be cold towards my coworkers. So, that was where it began. Even though I had no plan or strategies to get over the disappointment, I knew what I did not want to do.
I think we can agree that when we are upset, we tend to hurt others unintentionally and often times, intentionally and let’s face it, it never helps nor does it solve the dilemma. In since I knew that being mad and staying stagnant in that negative space was not going to work, I decided to take it one day at a time. Each day, I tried to not think about how I felt about not getting the position and focused on doing what I did best. Besides, I figured my work would speak for itself and it did. My coworker noticed positive changes in my attitude and she pointed out that I was even smiling more! That, I could not believe considering the devastating news I, at the time, was trying to process. And if that was not confirmation, the department head said the same thing too! Imagine the shocked looked I had on my face. On two separate occasions, I was informed on how great a job I was doing. In that moment, I realized I had been living in the moment, something I find to be difficult for me because my mind is always focused on something that already occurred or something I cannot fix.
Yet, this process was new for me and it felt good. Actually, it still feels good. Instead of staying in that place of hurt, envy, and upset, I learned how to move forward and kept pushing. If you are currently in that space now, decide on what you do not want to do and realize if you cannot control the situation, take your mind off of it. Be in the moment because life continues, even if you are not there mentally and emotionally. So focus on the right now and don’t forget to keep pushing.