Heartbreak and Healing

Who hasn’t had their hurt broken?  If you say you have not, you are probably not being honest with yourself, but that is another post for another time.  For the past several months, I have been dealing with The Ways of My Heart, especially during my vulnerable phase, and that included all of the heartbreak that it has endured.

It takes a lot to bounce back after a heartbreak, whether it is due to an intimate relationship, a loss of a loved one, or going through life’s obstacles (i.e. health, loss of job, financial issues).  It is simply a rough time in one’s life and I have definitely had my share of heartbreak.

I am not going to say that I will no longer encounter heartbreak, but I hope to better equip myself to not be a victim of it.  In life, some things are beyond our control and will happen, regardless of how we feel or where we currently are in our lives.  However, I believe you are able to protect your heart from heartbreak occurring, at least to a certain extent.  For example, your heart will ache when you lose someone you love either by death or if a decision has been made to no longer be with one another, but your heart should only ache for a certain amount of time because it should reach a healing point.

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I do not believe that there are a certain number of days or months for your heart to reach the healing phase, but I believe you should do all that you can to reach your healing phase and if anything, it should be a personal goal.  I had to realize for myself that I wanted to be healed from the pain in my heart, physically and emotionally, but how did I begin working towards my goal of healing?

First, I had to examine my heart.  I had to acknowledge and accept what was hurting me.  That may sound crazy, because who does not know what pains them?  Yet, I know there are people, including myself, who suppress the pain by forcing themselves to not think about it, by drinking it away or simply ignoring it. However you may suppress your pain, put it down and uncover your heartache because it still lives, despite all of the things you have done to cover it up.  On the other hand, I am sure that there are individuals who allow their pain to consume them and I am one of those individuals as well.  In my case, it basically depends on what caused the heartache in the first place.  For instance, a bad break-up is sometimes easy to cover up with the rebounds or the notion of I do not need anyone and I’m going to do me…yeah right.  There were times when I blamed myself and allowed the break-up to control my actions and how I thought.  On the other hand, facing a health crisis may not be so easy to ignore and you may automatically become consumed by it.  This is something I know all too well and I also know that it is a very unhealthy space to be in.

Next, once you have acknowledged your pain, you must stop blaming others for what they did.  I know this may be difficult, but it is a part of accepting your pain.  It will not be easy letting go of what others did to you, such as abandoning you, lying to you or about you, or treating you cruelly.  Nonetheless, at some point, we may have to go through those trials or maybe you already have.  However, I do know one thing to be true.  If you allow your heartbreak to lead to your healing, your character will grow and you will become a stronger individual.  Sometimes it is hard to accept this, but I believe that is exactly why life throws at us the unknown and the difficult situations.  Now, you may have to ask yourself  are you walking into your heartbreak, because that is something that can be avoided.  For example, if you know how a certain person operates with other people, why consider pursuing a relationship, intimately or as a friend, having knowledge about that person’s character?  I am assuming we all have heard at one point in our lives that we cannot change someone, so please, do not attempt and if you are reading this and have tried this once or twice yourself, I am sure you would agree that it almost always fails and you are left with the broken heart.

Overall, do not linger in your heartbreak.  Acknowledge it, accept it, and look towards healing so that you may become stronger and more knowledgeable because after all, life always has its unknown and you have to arm your heart for those difficult circumstances, but thankfully, you do not have to stay in them due to the power of healing.

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