Ever since I moved away from my hometown, nearly five years ago, I struggled with making friends in a new area. I did not know how difficult it was for me, as an adult, to make new friends, but I was not too surprised considering I was not the most out going individual. I began to feel like the new girl, out of place, at a new school and I quickly started second guessing if relocating was the best decision for me. However, while I was doubting my decision about relocating, the friends of my significant other at the time, became my “friends”, but I was not truly satisfied because they were his friends, not mine. I did not share the bond that mostly all true friendships have and after my significant other and I broke up two years later, it was as if I broke up with his friends too. After all, that was natural and expected. On the other hand, it was never an awkward moment if I saw his friends in public or ran across them on social media because they were, I believed, genuine people.
So what was going to happen to my pool of friends now that I really did not have any friends to call my own in my new home…I mean true friends. Unfortunately, while living in a new area, I learned many lessons about people who appeared to be interested in getting to know me, caring, and trusting, but really turned out to be conniving, deceitful, careless, and selfish. After being tossed and turned in false relationships with people who held those attributes, I knew I was going to be lonely and for a moment, I cared less about trusting or getting to know someone new. The only thing or people, I should say, that kept that beacon of light on were two truly amazing friends back at home. They were able to keep me grounded and allowed me to see for myself, what I had to offer before I blamed myself for attracting the wrong people into my life.
In the midst of all of my confusion, sadness, anger, or any other emotion you can think of that would be appropriate for this situation, *insert here*, I began to define what friendship meant to me. It was more than just the “I’m your friend for social events” such as, happy hour, brunch, or something to do on the weekend. Recently, a newly found sister and friend made it very clear to me that those people who serve that purpose are extras, not friends and I definitely did not want any extras in my life and I surely did not want to be an extra in anyone else’s life. I had too much to offer to be an extra and I wanted a real friendship.
After some time, I gave up on finding friends and concentrated on myself. If you have read my previous posts, I was extremely busy doing some inner work on myself, which is a continuous task, and while I was doing my work, I changed my environment. I did not hang out at the same places and found myself being surrounded by positive people. Before I continue, it was never a moment when I did not have anyone to confide in because I did, but I wanted more because after all, they had their own friends too. When I noticed the change, I felt a little relieved, but I was still apprehensive because at that very moment, I knew my ability to trust was going to be tested. After all, that is what life is about, trials, tests, and testimonies and following all of my trials and tests, I can honestly say I have a testimony!
Overall, please do not give up on the idea of Real Friendships. There are people out there who long for the same type of companionship as you and are willing to offer more than just being an extra in your life and will appreciate you for being a genuine, caring, and loving person. Once you find have those people surrounding you, cherish them. Whether they are old friends or new friends, they are sincerely gems.