I am currently working on my next post for next Tuesday, but until then, let us all practice a little patience.
Okay…okay. You are trying your best to be a positive thinker, release your past, and chip away at that boulder that you have been carrying around for who knows how long. It can be a little difficult at times…trust me…I know. Although all of this work is not the end to facing challenging circumstances in life, it is shaping the beginning for a new you to be better equipped to face all of the unknown situations that you may stumble upon while on your journey, and in order to effectively work on that new you, you must get to the root or the source. The root to all of the negative thoughts, daddy or mommy issues, self-esteem issues, fear, or whatever it may be is keeping you grounded in that negative space. Now is the moment to get those gloves on and pick up a shovel, because it is time to dig up that root.
How do you begin Digging Up Your Root you ask? If you have already begun working on loosening yourself from negativity, your past, and your fears, please acknowledge that and be proud of yourself. It took me awhile to realize the transition I was making because it kind of just…happened. Yet, I am asking you to stop and evaluate where you were and where you are now at this very moment. Did you just get excited, was it a feeling of happiness, or maybe it quickly faded because your mind started to become flooded with all of the what if’s and fears of the unknown? That happened to me as well, then I had to stop myself and remember that I am in control of what I think.
Eventually, I had to continue the process of using A Positive Mindset in order to move forward. It was as if I was doing all of the things mentioned above simultaneously, but it was and is still working. Then it came to me, I needed to go deeper than where I was at the moment because most of the things that I was working on, began from the outside. What about my inside, where all of my issues stemmed from? That was a scary thought. Where did I plant myself and what type of soil was I in? Those were the questions I had to ask myself. After all, being the visual person that I am, I pictured myself as a flower and at the time I was wilted. Withering away because I was allowing myself to not be fed the nutrients I needed in order to grow, bloom, and flourish. Instead, my root was cracked and brittle, while my soil was dry and lacked substance.
However, being the beautiful flower I know that I am, I had to do something about my root and soil. I could not be nourished in the environment I was currently in because that would only make matters worse. Instead, I decided to make a change. I decided to change my environment and my environment was my soil. I slowly began removing myself from the things, people, and circumstances that were not enriching to my life and more importantly, my growth. While removing myself from the soil that I have been grounded in for so long, I began to feel vulnerable and exposed. Where was I supposed to go, who was supposed to trust, and overall, where would I plant my exposed root?
Eventually, I knew Good Soil was what I needed and Good Soil was something that I was sure to find, but at that time, I had to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin…vulnerable, exposed to the world, but in a place where I was able to begin focusing on my root and nourish it with the love that it desperately needed. Do not be afraid of the feelings of vulnerability and exposure. In this state, you are able to examine your root or source to focus on you and you alone and make the decision on what it is you really need most. Self-love, self-respect, self-admiration, self-peace, or anything that strengthens you from within. This is the time where you begin to renew your root and prepare yourself for Good Soil.
“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” -Author unknown.
Changing your mindset from negative thoughts to positive thoughts are often difficult, at least for me they were. Actually, I still have my moments when I allow the false sense of being afraid, anxious, or worried take control, but temporarily because I know it is not real and it is an emotion that I can control. The most powerful thing you possess is your mind, so why not use it towards something positive. For some, that is a serious challenge, but I am new believer that you can truly change the way you think.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about The Negative Mind and how powerful it was in controlling and masking the real you. I asked my readers to take off their mask and discover the real them and find the root. Don’t worry, Digging Up Your Root will be next week’s topic. Yet, I know for a fact that you cannot face the very thing that has been weighing you down unless you have some positivity in you and around you. I decided to become a positive a thinker because I was tired of being negative all the time and most importantly, I dreaded how it made me feel. I was exhausted physically and mentally, I was becoming my own personal bully. At that point, I had enough.
I began my positive ways by simply saying positive things about myself. Things I knew were true. For instance, I acknowledged that I have a beautiful smile and gorgeous hair, which is my crown and glory, so no I am not screaming “I am not my hair” because it is definitely apart of me! On the other hand, I still had difficulty with acknowledging that I was smart or beautiful. Beauty, to me at that time, was definitely stereotypical and defined by mainstream media, which I was not, therefore, I did not view myself as a beautiful person. However, despite my ill thinking, I tried saying positive things about myself when I got ready for the day. Here I told myself I was pretty and smart, even when I didn’t believe it. Sometimes these are the actions that you must take. Due to telling yourself the exact opposite for so long, you have been conditioned to think all of the negativity about you, your situations, or others. This is the beginning of the change, which leads to progress.
The more I began saying it, it felt less uncomfortable. It got to the point that I began to apply saying positive things about myself or my circumstances in other areas of my life. I still did not believe it, or at least that is what I thought. Just like your negative thoughts are unconscious, your positive thoughts are too, but sometimes some of us just have to work a little harder to get there. As I continued with saying positive things about myself, one day while having a conversation with a friend, I said, “I am beautiful!” with assurance! I could not believe what I just said, so I had to stop and ask myself, “Did I just say I was beautiful?” and it was as if my friend heard my thoughts and answered, “Yes you did!”. I was so surprised. Positive self-affirmation really works.
Of course I did not only think negatively about my looks and intelligence, I had other things too and I am still working them, but I am writing to share with you that a positive mindset is possible and necessary. It not only changes your mind about things, but makes you have a positive attitude. Once that changes, everyone can see that and that will reassure you that you are progressing!
Ever since I moved away from my hometown, nearly five years ago, I struggled with making friends in a new area. I did not know how difficult it was for me, as an adult, to make new friends, but I was not too surprised considering I was not the most out going individual. I began to feel like the new girl, out of place, at a new school and I quickly started second guessing if relocating was the best decision for me. However, while I was doubting my decision about relocating, the friends of my significant other at the time, became my “friends”, but I was not truly satisfied because they were his friends, not mine. I did not share the bond that mostly all true friendships have and after my significant other and I broke up two years later, it was as if I broke up with his friends too. After all, that was natural and expected. On the other hand, it was never an awkward moment if I saw his friends in public or ran across them on social media because they were, I believed, genuine people.
So what was going to happen to my pool of friends now that I really did not have any friends to call my own in my new home…I mean true friends. Unfortunately, while living in a new area, I learned many lessons about people who appeared to be interested in getting to know me, caring, and trusting, but really turned out to be conniving, deceitful, careless, and selfish. After being tossed and turned in false relationships with people who held those attributes, I knew I was going to be lonely and for a moment, I cared less about trusting or getting to know someone new. The only thing or people, I should say, that kept that beacon of light on were two truly amazing friends back at home. They were able to keep me grounded and allowed me to see for myself, what I had to offer before I blamed myself for attracting the wrong people into my life.
In the midst of all of my confusion, sadness, anger, or any other emotion you can think of that would be appropriate for this situation, *insert here*, I began to define what friendship meant to me. It was more than just the “I’m your friend for social events” such as, happy hour, brunch, or something to do on the weekend. Recently, a newly found sister and friend made it very clear to me that those people who serve that purpose are extras, not friends and I definitely did not want any extras in my life and I surely did not want to be an extra in anyone else’s life. I had too much to offer to be an extra and I wanted a real friendship.
After some time, I gave up on finding friends and concentrated on myself. If you have read my previous posts, I was extremely busy doing some inner work on myself, which is a continuous task, and while I was doing my work, I changed my environment. I did not hang out at the same places and found myself being surrounded by positive people. Before I continue, it was never a moment when I did not have anyone to confide in because I did, but I wanted more because after all, they had their own friends too. When I noticed the change, I felt a little relieved, but I was still apprehensive because at that very moment, I knew my ability to trust was going to be tested. After all, that is what life is about, trials, tests, and testimonies and following all of my trials and tests, I can honestly say I have a testimony!
Overall, please do not give up on the idea of Real Friendships. There are people out there who long for the same type of companionship as you and are willing to offer more than just being an extra in your life and will appreciate you for being a genuine, caring, and loving person. Once you find have those people surrounding you, cherish them. Whether they are old friends or new friends, they are sincerely gems.
Trust Your Joy! Good read.
Choose your JOY by trusting! Trusting in the midst of change is probably one of the most difficult beliefs. Change is inevitable when reaching for success. Your atmosphere may change, your friends or your networks may change, and most importantly your beliefs and values may change. The great thing about JOY is that it won’t change…naturally people and situations change…but you must embrace and cultivate your JOY. Before you know it, you will begin to trust your JOY…it will become a natural choice.
Your challenge for today is to choose your JOY by trusting!
Trust that your wants, needs and desires will all be fulfilled…trust yourself and your purpose. Listen to your inner voice that will lead your path…trust your instincts!
Take a moment tonight to write down your needs that will get you to the next step in your goals. What will help to push you to the next…
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