Daddy’s Girl

I believe that every little girl has always been or at least wanted to be a daddy’s girl.  To just think of a man that loves you unconditionally, protects you with even his own life, and will always believe that you are the most beautiful person in the entire world is beyond special in any girl’s eyes.  However, we all are aware of the statistics of black men not being in the home and how it has a direct affect on children.  Unfortunately, I am one of those children who knows how it feels to not have a father in the home.

Before I continue, there are fathers who do their very best with providing for their children and loving their children, even when they are no longer with the mother and I applaud them all and encourage them to continue.  You all do not go unnoticed!  On the other hand, I am only able to focus on my experiences with my dad, which is an on again and off again relationship.

After speaking to a few women, all around 30 years of age from all walks of life with different “daddy issues”, I was astonished to hear that some of the women who have had their father’s apart of their lives say that they never felt like a daddy’s girl or something was lacking in their relationship with their father.  By the end of the conversation, I realized that we had more things in common and I no longer viewed them as “the lucky ones”.  One woman discussed how her father was and always had been the provider for the home, but once he came home, he had expectations from his family, and did not always take the time to get to know her, which made her long for a relationship with her father.  There was another woman who felt like her dad did not understand her at times, even when they talked almost everyday!

I realized being a daddy’s girl is far more than the hugs and kisses a daughter receives from their dad as well as the meaningful words, I love you.  For me, I have always wanted all of those things from my dad on a consistent basis, but more importantly, I wanted to feel protected by him.  I know my dad loves me and I’m sure you know that about your father.  However, the feeling of being protected means I am being guarded with his life and he loves me just enough to do that.  Now, I know it is impossible for my dad to shelter me from all of life’s unexpected circumstances, but he could at least offer some guidance.  You know like, “I’ve been there and done that” or “I used to be that type of guy, so do not pursue the relationship”.  Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way, which many of us often have to and even though this is true for me, I do no blame my dad.  I believe he has done and continues to do the best he knows how.  Just like we are fighting our own battles, our parents are too.

You would think as you get older, you have things all figured out and life becomes easier.  Well I’m beginning to learn that life is about persevering, surviving, and thriving.  We all have to do that and in the midst of fighting through life’s dilemmas, we are searching and longing for love and protection from our fathers, at least I know I was, but not anymore.  I realized that my dad is very much human and has to go through his own life’s dilemmas and how can I long for him to protect me, when he is trying to persevere through his own struggles.  He is and will always be my dad.  I still love him and I believe that he loves me too and I will always be open to building a better relationship with him, but there is another Father who can provide unconditional love and protection.  And yes, He too believes that you are the most beautiful woman in the world as well because after all, He created you!  So even if you are not a daddy’s girl to your biological father, you will forever and will always be a daddy’s girl to your Heavenly Father.

 

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Fear

Many people believe that fear is a mind killer.  It is an emotion that comes and goes and you have the ability to control it.  To know that you have the ability to control fear is extremely powerful and comforting, however, it seems like fear often gets the best of us.  I know for me, fear is a thing that I struggle with.

In my last post, Be Passionate, I spoke about moments that concerned my health that made me and still make me fearful today.  These fearful moments in my life can be hard to overcome, but I know I have to trust and believe that there is something greater than the fear that clouds my thoughts.  As I sit and type this sentence, I am still battling with the idea of fear, but even though I am in this position, I can honestly say I have learned a lot about the imaginative concept of fear.

I never understood people who make comments such as, “Why worry”, “Fear nothing”, and “Live in the moment”.  For those of us who are always thinking about the “what ifs”, these comments sound a bit absurd.  How can I live in the moment when I need to figure out what to do if something were to happen, to which I have no clue if it is really going to happen, which further freaks me out!  Stop and take a deep breath.  Take another.  And another.  Regardless if you are frightened if something terrible is going to happen to you or happen again, it makes no sense to devote all of your energy, time, and thoughts on something that has not happened.  It sounds easy enough I’m sure, but I do know how difficult it is.

For me, I am learning on how to focus on the now.  It is not the same as living in the moment for me only because I feel as if I would be living carelessly.  Even though I am trying to focus on the now, I believe I have every right to be cautious.  While focusing on your right now, give thanks.  Be thankful that you have breath in your body and you woke up to another beautiful day on this earth.  If that is not enough to be thankful for, be thankful that you have the ability to make your own choices.  You can do something today that will make you or someone else happy today.  If you are reading this, you can be thankful for having access to the internet.  You have a phone or some form of an electronic device that keeps us connected to any and everything that is going on in this world!  Just think about the number of things you are thankful for or write a list, which was some great advice I received.  I am sure you will be surprised to see what you will end up with.  I know I was.

In my opinion, fear is something like an unhealthy relationship going through a bad break-up.  You were devoted to the thought of it for so long, even when you knew it was not good for you.  Things continued to happen to serve as clues, but you ignored them.  Then that horrible thing happens and you cannot get over it.  You constantly think about it, cry about it, or even confine yourself to your home because you are too afraid to face the world and continue with your life, but that is just the thing.  Your life has to continue.  You have to keep going and why not continue with a smile on your face?  Is it hard to do?  Yes, but it is worth the struggle of getting over it, and it will be a struggle.  However, the good thing is, there will be a day you will be able to look back on all of those “what ifs” and wonder to yourself why did you allow yourself to go through all of the torment because of fear.  If anything, I think about that day the most because that will be the day I will be free from fear and so will you.

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Be Passionate

Passion is defined as a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.  Some may have a passion for sports, teaching, or the arts.  Recently, I was asked what my passion was and I froze for a second, then I responded with “well…I like to write” and it is true.  I do enjoy journaling, but I thought more about the question and I began to be overwhelmed with emotion because my first true passion was dance.  I enjoyed ballet throughout my childhood years, but I began taking it seriously when I was a teen.  Unfortunately, during my senior year my cardiologist decided it would be best for me to have a defibrillator implanted.  Needless to say, I was not enthused.

After the procedure I continued to dance, but something began to change.  I was losing my passion.  I did not work as hard as I had before and how could I?  The fact that I had visible scars on my body due to a health condition that I knew very little about made me upset.  I was 17 years old at the time and now, 11 years later, I realized I kept that same anger and with that anger I lost all of my passion.

Even though I have gone through a number of procedures, scary episodes with my health, and hospital visits, I am happy to say I am beginning to gain my passion back.  I may not be able to dance any longer, but I can use my words to make someone feel like they just witnessed a black prima ballerina float so eloquently across a stage.  Regardless of what issues you are in the midst of facing, have faced in the past, or will have to face in the future, health related or not, do not let it consume you.  Remain passionate and if you are not passionate about something, it is never too late to explore.

I have recently learned even though I am a 28 year old black woman that has a heart condition that is more common in older white men, I cannot let it define me.  Two years ago I was a guest speaker at an event explaining my heart condition and how I had undergone a painful 30 shocks from my device several months prior and to be honest, I was still in pain emotionally at the time.  Within the last two years, I have undergone a few more shocks and another procedure, but I am still here and I believe that I am here because I have to discover my new passion.

Whatever your passion is, do not let it go to waste because you feel handicapped, discouraged, or less than because ultimately, I believe, your passion will lead you to God’s designed purpose for your life.