Have you ever been labeled as “needy” person? I certainly have and I never thought much of it. I usually associate it with “the only child syndrome” because what child, especially an only child, has not been needy in some capacity! However, as of lately, I thought about the meaning of being “needy” and if there was a difference between being “needy” and “needing more.”
At first, you may believe that there is no difference at all, but I believe the contrary. When I think of someone who is “needy,” I think of a person who demands attention because they cannot function without it. They can often be very emotional and perhaps seem a little unstable and they can sometimes feel like a burden to others. Who wants to be a burden? I know I don’t. After my initial thought, I knew I was not a needy person and to be honest, I became upset with those who said I was. How could they label me as such? I am extremely independent and I am too much of an introvert to demand attention and my life does not end, when I do not get my way. Am I ever upset, of course, but I eventually get over it and move forward because life continues, even if I feel like it has stopped just for a moment.
Unfortunately, I often get hung up on being labeled as needy. I begin to question myself and wonder if I am “doing too much.” I wonder if my expectations are too high or if I am out of line because I am asking too much of something. Is it too much for a phone call? Or is too much to have face to face time when getting to know someone new? Or lastly, is it too much to ask for another person’s presence? Believe it or not, I have been told that all of those things were too much and that I was demanding that it be all about me! Now, I will have to admit, I can be a little selfish and that is something that I have no issue with being called out on and I am working on it. Besides, I do want to be sure to let others know that they matter, extend myself by being present in their lives, and meet some of their needs too.
After some reflecting, I realized that majority of those times involved me expecting something from a person who was unable to fulfill those particular needs from the very beginning….and I knew it. Somehow, I thought building friendships and doing everything that I can for them, would be enough for them to give me what I needed. Yeah, that was a big mistake and it was an even bigger mistake for me to try to force it out of them, hence where the label “needy” came in! There are always signs in a situation that lets you know that it is just not meant for you. Take a step back and analyze the situation. Are you being needy or is that person not available for what you actually need from a friend, a significant other, or even family member?
Whether it’s dating, friendships, or family members, you cannot expect more from people who are not meant to give it you. Do not be labeled as the “needy” one when in fact, all you need is more.